And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize