I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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