Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
