By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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