Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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