I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
