mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
