I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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