Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize