If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
