Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
