I hate your face
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
