I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
