Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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