who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
