ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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