PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize