I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
