there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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