Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
