Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize