it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
