i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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