like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
