Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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