you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
