Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
please don't ironically join a cult
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