My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
