Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
