just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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