did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
