Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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