I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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