it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You made out with two different species that night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
