you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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