Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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