if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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