I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
