I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
