So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Couch. On fire.
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