So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
