Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize