Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
