Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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