I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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