does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
