I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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