Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
