dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
