erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize