it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
