she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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