Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
