just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
