I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
