I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
