i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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