Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
