yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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