This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
