Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
