never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
