uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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