ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
