At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
