you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
