well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
