i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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