I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize