i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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