i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
