Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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