my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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