about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
