im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
