So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had to cum in my sink.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
