Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
