honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
