I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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