..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
