I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He felt like a one man threesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
