I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
