watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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