Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
