there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
