he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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