I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
