You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize