I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
