She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
