WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
