Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
