did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
