Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
