my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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