The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
