all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
