I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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