i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
