When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His hands were made for my vagina.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
