waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A bitchslap is in order.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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