I faked an abortion last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
They have beer where we have blood.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
