I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
